Rock Bottom

The saying goes something like this: "you have to hit rock bottom before you can bounce back". I guess the trouble is the rock can be pretty hard and the recovery slow. When someone "hits" they invariably pull others along. I was pulled - big time. I was lucky enough to have a trampoline at the bottom of that hole covering the rocks - okay, maybe the tramp was a little weak and I was scraped up a bit and didn't immediately bounce back to the surface, but it gave me the vertical momentum I needed to see the sunlight. "She" hit the center of the tramp and was catapulted to the surface - thank God. Others who were "pulled" hit the edges or fell through the cracks completely and out of our lives.

Remembering that day and what "could have been" is both painful and therapeutic - it can help me to be grateful for second chances and be cautious of relapses at the same time. I'm not sure if I would rather forget that day or not. I would say yes, but I think remembering is a necessary evil. If only I could control those memories and channel them to "lessons learned" instead of blame and fear. Sometimes I wish I could tuck my head in the sand like a big old ostrich, and others I strive to tell the world what happened and help to prevent it from happening to anyone else - or to us again.

"She" can forget - her memories of those days are sparse at best. This is a mixed blessing as well. I don't wish the hauting memories on her, but hope that the day holds enough reality to enable her to prevent a future revisit.

"She" is my daughter. "She" is beautiful by anyone's standards. "She" is intelligent, loving, and incredibly sensitive. "She" attempted to take her life.

More later