Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Quote of the Day
I absolutely LOVE quotes. I love to read them, to analyze them, and to change them to suit myself. I have always agreed with Forest when he said: "Life is like a box of chocolates". He is right, you never know what you're gonna get, but I think he forgot something - you are never gonna know what you get, or what you could possibly get until you take a bite out of each and every one. Now, mind you, when I first heard the beloved Forest utter these words I was much younger. Too young, I think, to completely realize the significance of his words. Yea, sure, you never know what you are gonna get - big deal. Now I think of things in a far more introspective manner. I want to know what is out there and how I can grab hold of every opportunity. When I was younger and always looking forward to the next bit of "fun" when Dad would say, "Don't wish your life away". I would, in true daughter fashion, roll my eyes and say, "I know Dad". Now, at 50 (At least I didn't have to say it out loud) I COMPLETELY understand; I get it! I'm not sure I was capable of getting it then. So, enjoy your day - every bit of it.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The Real Journie
Things haven't changed much in almost 50 years. I started talking before I was 2 years old and some would say I haven't stopped since. My grammar school report cards said: "talks out of turn" and "annoys others". At 3 when I split my lip open the doctor was very frustrated when he couldn't get me to shut up long enough to stitch it up. What can I say? I like to talk. I'll talk to most anyone really. I'm sure the man next to me in the parking lot yesterday was convinced I was truly insane when he caught me carrying on completely rational (in my mind anyway) two-way conversation with myself. I don't think I fooled him at all when I quickly put my cellphone to my ear and proceeded to say goodbye to no one. When my family reprimands me for these interactive conversations I explain that no one ever listens to me as well as I do.
So, it is pretty surprising that I find myself here, putting my ideas into the written word for no one to hear. There are times, however, when what we have to say is simply too difficult to utter. Emotions that rock us to our core, feelings of guilt and anger.... and .... fear. If I say them out loud will my fears be realized? Who will want to listen if I tell them how I really feel?
I am, and have always been a cheerleader (it is the perfect excuse to make alot of noise). I was a cheerleader on the sidelines of my Dad's softball games at the age of 3 and continued in a more formal manner all the way through high school. As an adult I am the one who cheers others up and on - my kids, my family, my friends - I like to offer encouragement - it's what I do - it's who I am. So how can I tell them that I was hurting? That the tragedy that shook every hair on my head still haunts me every day? That I hold my breath when I tell everyone how wonderful things are. How can I encourage others if I am faltering? I know cognitively that I need to take care of myself, to stop cheating myself, to talk about it and let myself heal, and most importantly to admit to myself how I really feel. I'm just not sure I can do it - at least not yet - not out loud.
So... I am doing the next best thing. I am talking to you- to the computer, to the internet, to the world, to no one at all really. Is anyone listening? I don't know and I'm not sure it matters. I guess it is just another example of me talking to me- the best listener. Maybe, just maybe, my conversation will encourage others to start a conversation with themselves. I'll look at it as a new form of cheerleading, but this time I'm cheering for me. I'm going to cheer myself along until I can face those demons that haunt me and scare them out into the open for everyone to see. Join me if you like as I embark on this journey of self discovery. Maybe I can cheer you on along the way as well. ~Journie
So, it is pretty surprising that I find myself here, putting my ideas into the written word for no one to hear. There are times, however, when what we have to say is simply too difficult to utter. Emotions that rock us to our core, feelings of guilt and anger.... and .... fear. If I say them out loud will my fears be realized? Who will want to listen if I tell them how I really feel?
I am, and have always been a cheerleader (it is the perfect excuse to make alot of noise). I was a cheerleader on the sidelines of my Dad's softball games at the age of 3 and continued in a more formal manner all the way through high school. As an adult I am the one who cheers others up and on - my kids, my family, my friends - I like to offer encouragement - it's what I do - it's who I am. So how can I tell them that I was hurting? That the tragedy that shook every hair on my head still haunts me every day? That I hold my breath when I tell everyone how wonderful things are. How can I encourage others if I am faltering? I know cognitively that I need to take care of myself, to stop cheating myself, to talk about it and let myself heal, and most importantly to admit to myself how I really feel. I'm just not sure I can do it - at least not yet - not out loud.
So... I am doing the next best thing. I am talking to you- to the computer, to the internet, to the world, to no one at all really. Is anyone listening? I don't know and I'm not sure it matters. I guess it is just another example of me talking to me- the best listener. Maybe, just maybe, my conversation will encourage others to start a conversation with themselves. I'll look at it as a new form of cheerleading, but this time I'm cheering for me. I'm going to cheer myself along until I can face those demons that haunt me and scare them out into the open for everyone to see. Join me if you like as I embark on this journey of self discovery. Maybe I can cheer you on along the way as well. ~Journie
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
